WORKPLACE HOSTILITY – YOU DON’T NEED TO LOSE YOURSELF TO DEFEND YOURSELF

Workplace hostility or hostilities are more than just occasional tensions—they are recurring patterns of aggression, exclusion, or manipulation that create a toxic atmosphere. Whether subtle or overt, these behaviors can corrode team dynamics, lower morale, and leave even the most composed professionals questioning their value and stability at work.

A horrible workplace, also known as a hostile work environment, is one where employees feel uncomfortable, scared, or intimidated due to unwelcome conduct. This can include harassment, discrimination, victimization, violence, and other offensive behaviors.

These offensive behaviors are not orchestrated by office chairs and tables. Some people at the workplace are simply hostile towards others. Some feel entitled to be greeted even if they don’t return greetings. Others are specialists in organizing campaigns of calumny against targeted colleagues. Some would deliberately leave you out of meeting invitations, dilute your contributions, recruit enemies for you, assassinate your character and image, and literally put their knees on your neck.

There is a reason why hostility works for them but not for you. 

People who are naturally confrontational or non-empathetic don’t experience internal conflict when they become hostile. Their words and demeanor are congruent with who they are. They aren’t pretending. Their hostility is an extension of their nature; it is not a tool they reluctantly pick up when their back is against the wall. 

But you, when some of you resort to acting ugly, you’re actually acting! This is why you feel a deep sense of unease when you become hostile. You might justify it in the moment, telling yourself it was necessary, but afterwards, you don’t just reflect on the outcome, you reflect on yourself. You might even feel caught between relief and regret; glad you defended yourself, but unsettled by the way you had to do it. 

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You might ask yourself, “Why do I have to stay calm, but they get to act the fool?” The reality is that they aren’t acting like fools, they are actually fools. Meanwhile, you are emotionally intelligent, you have self-control, so you need to tap into that. 

Look, some of us are better suited to using different kinds of strength. You don’t have to lose yourself to defend yourself. How you show up during challenges should be a refined version of your best self, not a caricature of yourself. The best they can do is be emotional, so let them. The best you can do is to be an example, so show them. 

Such is the strength of advice we give individual clients who refer to SPETIV Consulting for career guidance. For more information or to schedule an appointment, simply write to [email protected].